KTV

You know all of those massive palaces in Las Vegas? I actually don’t cause I’ve never been there, but I have seen some pictures and I’ve definitely seen Oceans Eleven at least four times. Anyways, imagine that those casino place complex behemoths were all dedicated to one thing: karaoke. “Absurd,” they’d say! Well over here in Zunyi it’s not absurd at all. It’s the real deal. Here it is known as KTV. Not all KTV spots are quite as lavish as I just described but the average KTV is at the very least the size and scope of a huge nightclub back in the U.S. Some KTVs are a little seedier than others, offering escorts and other shenanigans, and some are the classiest of joints. One thing they all are is loud. They’re also crazy packed. It’s unbelievable how passionate the Zunyi population is about offering their renditions of…well actually a lot of the selections are kind of unexpected. For example, and maybe I totally missed the boat on this in the States, but Westlife is insanely popular in the KTV scene. Westlife? Yes. A Westlife song comes on at the KTV and the room explodes with joy. Everyone then proceeds to sing every lyric to any Westlife song you could dream up. Even some of the Brits in our company were blown away by the overwhelming passion for Westlife.

            But even the majestic power of Westlife cannot come close to the absolutely bonkers popularity of one single song in China right now. I don’t know the official Chinese title but I know that the English translation is “Little Apple.” This song is everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Not just KTV: schools, restaurants, public restrooms, there is no escaping “Little Apple.” I’ve heard it so much that even I can sing the chorus in Chinese. From new born babies to oldies in their 90’s, the lyrics of this song are known by all across the land. According to my students the song was made to replicate the success of “Gangnam Style.” I’m not sure if it achieved that goal worldwide, but there’s no question it created a frenzy on the mainland.

            On the first (and as it turns out the only) night that we went to KTV we were fortunate enough to be in the company of a fantastic individual named Rob, a former employee of our school who was soon on his way back home to England. In fact, the occasion for this KTV visit was in celebration of Rob’s 30^th birthday and as a sendoff of sorts. Unfortunately we didn’t get much of a chance to spend time with Rob while here was here in Zunyi, but from the time that we did share and from the accounts of everyone who knew him he was an absolute hero and a damn fine teacher. One thing we can say for sure about Rob that we know first hand is that he is a phenomenal singer.  Honestly, when we first walked into the private KTV lounge that we would call home for the subsequent four hours, I thought that the Chinese didn’t understand karaoke like we do. Why, when we walked in, was there just a recording of Billy Joel singing “Piano Man?” Weren’t we supposed to be the ones singing? Oh wait, that wasn’t Billy Joel’s voice. It was Rob’s, and it was melting hearts. Rob had a passion for music and for KTV and he had a voice from the heavens. Compared to Rob’s, my voice is average at best, and Torie’s far worse. But what we lack in vocal ability we more than make up for in theatrics and awesomeness. I don’t mean to brag here, but we brought the house down with a run that included no less than three Backstreet Boys songs, “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas, and Eminem’s classic “Without Me.” In reality we probably butchered every song on the list, but dammit we were on fire! The Brits and the Chinese in our company were impressed. It was a good way to let the group know what it is we are all about.

I’d have to say though, the highlight of the night came when all of the Brits, who up until that point (with the glorious exception of Rob) had been extremely shy about participating, all got up and delivered a performance of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” that tore the roof off the joint. They were kind enough to let us Americans join in just in time for “I see a little silhouette of a man,” and at that point I think both Torie and I knew we had made a wise decision to come to Zunyi. It was also at that point that I realized that we had been at KTV for almost two hours…and we ended up staying two more! Four straight hours of karaoke. Can you dig it? Perhaps that’s why we haven’t been back, that or an acute fear of being sucked into a “Little Apple” on repeat vortex from which there is no escape. In any case, it was a night to remember.